You are the reason I sleep with a knife beside my bed

You are the reason

I sleep with a knife beside my bed,

and my breath is smaller,

your torments parlaying about my head.

I agonise between two shelters…

I agonise between two shelters:

taking pills and keeping alert,

a contest between being asleep

and being alive.

My nightly choreography:

shuffling furniture in front of doors

inspecting shadows

assembling dead end prayers.

Stubborn idents in my palm

from falling asleep with a rock

that’s ready to hurl.

Clunk, clunk

as I double bolt,

double lock,

double latch,

anything that will shut.

I can block you,

mute you,

lock you out

and you will still terrify me.

Written by Vanessa Jones of Jones the Writer.